i think i am someone who can't stand loneliness. i just wish there's always people whom i can talk and crap with.




anyway i am feeling kinda guilty now. was watching a photo montage made by my dad just now. i thought it was quite lame at first so i was just playing around with my new phone. but after awhile i got bored so started to pay attention to it. and what surprised me was that. watching some of the photos. of me when i was small. photos of my parents when they were still young. photos when we spent time together. made me tear. ( of course i didn't let them see) but it made me wonder. what have i done to repay them after they have sacrificed so much for me. leaving china. leaving behind all their families and friends. their work. their everything just so that i can get a better education. and maybe a better life here. but what have i done to them until now. all i've done is to make them sad. angry and disappointed.seeing the photos of my parents when they were young suddenly struck me as to how much they have really aged. for me. i am already in jc now. it wont be long before i leave them and start a family of my own. so i started to wonder. for how long more can i stay with them and be pampered by them. if i could turn back time. i would have done so many things differently. talk to them in different ways or tones. so that they won't be hurt by what i've done or said to them. but that's what everyone wishes for. isnt it. i mean we all know it is impossible but...



i really want to be a good son to them and work hard to make them proud.



and just in case you were wondering. the photo montage was made for my grandma. my parents are going back this june hols to celebrate her 70th bday. they wanted me to go back with them. but my first reaction was that i can't. because of all my commitments. cca fac comm project work and mugging for blocks. but are those really valid reasons. or am i just looking for excuses not to go back... i hafnt had a chance to go back for quite some years already. and i think it will be a good chance to spend time with my parents too.and maybe i will be one of the last chances i will get to see my grandma again. i'm not cursing her. ( choy) but its just that you never know what will happen.




=/ have i really grown up and matured during these years.